Sunday, April 10, 2011


I heard the news today, oh boy. Snooki is headed for Rutgers and will regurgitate whatever comes into her head to the tune of $32,000. It's the students idea, and their reason is-to quote the president of the student group who hired the Snookster- "to show that students here aren't dying from just reading books 24 hours a day."

Oh yeah? Well I'd like to see some statistics on that. I heard kids there have been holed up in libraries and dropping like flies in between the stacks. Snooki might just be the answer. I mean, you can't read a book and vomit into your shoes at the same time. I hope she doesn't get all serious and start telling us about the quantum mechanics of "the pouf," or suggest turning her body into a solar collector that could power most of New Jersey.

At the very least, the school's brand is certain to be Snookified; post Snooki, what hard-drinking, party animal wouldn't want to attend Rutgers, further diminishing the threat of death by bibliography. She'd better not mention that she's written a book, though--then they'll know they've been snookered.

1 comment:

  1. "You can't read a book and vomit into your shoes at the same time." Quote of the day.